Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Handle Q. Schmandle's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, October 24th, 2009
11:37 pm	Y'all know that I'm TOADALLY GOTH. Did you know that if you grind one key, you get one free? Feast on meats....THE WITCH'S TEATS! Current location:  Eating a sub sandwich.....INSIDE A CRYPT. Current Mood: DARK AND INSANE. (3 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
5:16 pm	No rain? No rainbow! A little while ago, dumbass Sarah Palin was getting extra nutty (is that even possible?) and spouting off all kinds of crazy, nonsensical shit in a speech and on her Twitter account. So, Conan O'Brien did the only logical thing.  He brought William Shatner in to recite them as poetry while a dude plays the bongos. The Palin speech babble as poetry: The Palin Twitter babble as poetry (my favorite one....the bongo dude really gets into it): And, because I love it, Shatner doing "Rocket Man" back in 1978: Current Mood: Beatnik, you dig? (10 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Tuesday, May 12th, 2009
5:33 pm	You have no idea how much I love The Lonely Island.  Y'all don't even know. "I'm On A Boat", "Jizz In My Pants", the hits keep on coming...... Here's the latest one.  The follow up to "Dick In A Box": Current Mood: Fonky fresh. (8 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Friday, April 10th, 2009
8:53 pm	(3 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Tuesday, February 10th, 2009
6:08 pm	( I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum. ) (14 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Tuesday, January 20th, 2009
2:09 pm	The fonky inaugural parade! I'm sitting here at my desk watching the inaugural parade live on CNN.com and am literally dancing in my seat.  I wish that I was there! What an awesome day.  The weather is even awesome here. My boss had a pizza lunch for us today and brought in champagne to toast our new President.  Yesterday, a co-worker brought in a Barack cake....it had a edible photo of the Obamas in the Presidential seal.  They saved a piece since I don't work on Mondays and I got Barack's head.  I toadally put him in my mouth, dudes.  YUM!  (I've never had a President I'd want to put directly into my mouth before.....heh heh.) Holla!  *LOL*! (10 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Thursday, January 15th, 2009
4:38 pm	This is not a drill!!! Turn up the speakers and click:  http://lukecompany.ytmnd.com/ (Spank the monkey!)
Saturday, November 15th, 2008
8:52 pm	I think this dude is wearing lipstick in the picture. Your result for The Camelot Test... Lancelot Honourable and passionate. You never back down from a challenge. Your friends are very important to you. You believe in justice and duty far above your own personal security and comfort. Congratulations! This was the most challenging result to get. You are one of a kind. Take The Camelot Test at HelloQuizzy (2 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
12:05 am	OBAMA! Holy shit. Current Mood: ecstatic (6 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
4:02 pm	VOTE! I'm voting because I want our country to move towards 2009 and not back to 1909. I'm voting because I'm tired of religious nutters being in power. I'm excited to see so many people out there voting! This lady is even doing it: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081104/ap_on_fe_st/odd_vote_in_ambulance This election lit a fire under people's asses. Screw cynicism for a change. I'm also excited that there is an actual chance of a young, black/white dude being President - yay for us black/white peeps! (And no, I would never vote for someone just because they're something other than an old, white dude, but it sure is awesome to see something different for a change.) What a day! (1 spank |Spank the monkey!)
Wednesday, October 1st, 2008
1:47 pm	"Delight in the Lord... not in crack!" That's written in black Sharpie marker on a newspaper display box thing. I walk by it almost every single day. Has anyone ever known a "delighted" crackhead? As in, "This crack is simply delightful!" marveled the crackhead. Or else, the person who wrote it meant butts instead of crack rock. (5 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Thursday, September 25th, 2008
6:12 pm	Beamin' something up, IF you know what I mean. I almost fell off of my chair laughing at this. Oh my GOD, did I laugh at this video. This is so not work safe (nor brain safe either). (Fitz - Did The Ancestor write this? *LMFAO*) (9 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Thursday, August 28th, 2008
4:32 pm	It is fucking hot here, people.  That is all. Current Mood: HOT and not in the good way Current Music: "It Is Too Goddamned Fucking Hot" by Hot Hot Hot (13 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Wednesday, August 6th, 2008
4:34 pm	Hey y'all! I haven't posted on this thing in a long time and so here is an official entry.  Are you JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT?! I'm mainly posting because when I click to see my "Friends" posts, I can only go back a couple pages and then it re-directs me to the newest entries.  THIS FILLED ME WITH SUCH TOADAL RAGE THAT I TORE THE SLEEVES OFF OF MY SHIRT, SCREAMED, THREW A CHAIR ACROSS THE ROOM, AND THEN SCREAMED AGAIN.  Actually, I just took a sip of water and am now typing this entry, but why is it doing this? (9 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Tuesday, February 26th, 2008
3:42 pm	This made me laugh my ass off. I have never seen the original The Wicker Man nor have I seen this remake bullshit, but this just about made my co-worker and I fall off of our chairs. From the "STEP AWAY FROM THE BIKE!" to the punching out chicks while wearing a fucking bear costume to the bee attack (is he gargling the bees?!).  I'm literally laughing out loud in my office just typing this...... (2 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Thursday, February 14th, 2008
5:00 pm	AGGGGHHHHH!!!! I AM FUCKING FREAKING OUT, PEOPLE.  FREAKING. OUT!!!
Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
4:33 pm	Halloween! (2 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Tuesday, October 9th, 2007
4:53 pm	Oh YEAH. The cape and the song together, dudes. (Spank the monkey!)
Friday, October 5th, 2007
12:36 am	My cereal has injured me. I've eaten a couple bowls of "Oh's" cereal this week and jesus christ...... I feel like I've gargled with aquarium gravel. And yes, I know that "Grape Nuts" is actually aquarium gravel.  So, maybe "Oh's" are more like aquarium gravel mixed with broken glass.   And nails. This cereal is also really fuckin' LOUD when you chew it.   I swear I had to practically turn the television up to "hey, the astronauts can hear this!" level along with having to have Dude yell in order to communicate with me. Why do I put up with all this?  It tastes good.  It's like when people use crystal meth.... You think they want to look like inbred hillbillies by the time it's all over?  They crave it and to hell with the consequences.  (Although, I can quit the "Oh's".  I think.) And no, I don't believe in letting the "Oh's" soak in milk for a few hours to soften them up or relax them or whatever the hell it takes to get them to mellow out.  I just want to shovel the cereal into my mouth already.  Just be glad you can't see me eat, okay?  Get off my back. (14 spanks |Spank the monkey!)
Monday, September 17th, 2007
10:33 pm	1.)  Go to http://www.careercruising.com/ 2.)  Log in as nycareers with password landmark 3.)  Take the Career Matchmaker quiz and list the top 10 results My results..... 1.  Animator 2.  Graphic Designer 3.  Computer Animator 4.  Artist 5.  Medical Illustrator 6.  Desktop Publisher 7.  Fashion Designer 8.  Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator 9.  Costume Designer 10.  Comedian ( And the rest of 'em here....... ) (2 spanks |Spank the monkey!)